Extreme Makeover: Personality Edition

How much can we change who we are as people?

Hey friends,

Can I get a hand raise from those of you who feel frustrated by parts of your personality? 🙋‍♀️

I’ve resented many aspects of my personality over the years. To name a few at the top of the list: my propensity for overthinking, my impatience, and (ironically) my tendency to self-criticize. For most of my life, if someone had offered me a magic wand that would factory-reset these traits to “normal” human levels, I would’ve taken up the offer in a heartbeat.

It’s only in recent years that I’ve learned to take a slightly more compassionate and balanced view. With some reflection, I’ve realized that there are clear upsides to the parts of me that drive me nuts.

My overthinking, for example, leads me to be more conscientious in my relationships. I might mull over a problem a friend is facing and come up with advice, or realize that I’ve said something wrong and then apologize, or see aspects of a situation from multiple angles.

My impatience ends up spurring me to action, motivating me to make progress on my goals sooner rather than later. I remember when I first had an idea for A Slight Change of Plans (the OG name for the show was Inflections, btw :)), I developed a pitch within a few weeks.

And self-criticism? My tendency is to always look inward to try and improve, which helps me produce higher-quality work and to be a better friend, family member, and colleague.

The topic of personality is the focus of this week’s episode of A Slight Change of Plans, and I interview the delightful, funny writer Olga Khazan. Growing up, Olga really wasn’t a fan of her personality. She was neurotic and anxious. At dinner parties, her go-to topic was to share all the things that were going wrong in her life. And so, she went on a year-long quest to see if she was capable of “fixing” the parts of herself she didn’t like.

Our conversation raised all sorts of fascinating philosophical questions. For example, how should we decide which personality traits are “good” or “bad”? What if a trait is bad for the individual but good for society? The trope of the tortured artist, e.g. Beethoven or Van Gogh…or TSwift :), comes to mind.

Olga and I talked about so much that had to be cut from the final episode for the sake of time, so I’m including my favorite nuggets here on the history of personality science. (And for more from Olga, check out her newsletter for her insights on mental health, science, and life hacks).

✂️ Podcast Extras: The evolution of personality science

Psychologist Sigmund Freud shaped a lot of our early ideas about personality. He argued that our behaviors are the result of, as Olga writes, "our pleasure-seeking id, moralistic superego, and realistic ego." Freud believed a lot of our personality could be traced back to our childhood, and that sexuality played a large role in shaping it. In 1920, Freud met with a younger psychologist, Gordon Allport, and their meeting motivated Allport to develop a more modern framework for personality. Olga tells a great story about this meeting in her book. (It’s worth noting that Freud set back the field of psychology considerably with his wild and problematic conjectures. But that’s for a different newsletter…)

A lot of people know about the Myers-Briggs test—but there's no science behind it! I’m an ENTJ, but that doesn't mean much. (I’ve found the test impossible to answer, too — my level of extroversion at a wedding with strangers is very different than my level of extroversion with those I already know and love!) Myers-Briggs became popular not because it’s scientifically rigorous, but because one of the creators worked in HR and developed helpful connections to government agencies at the start of World War II. The agencies wanted to pair spies with missions that best aligned with the personality types. So, they turned to the Myers-Briggs test, which eventually spread to other agencies and employers, and is still a popular career aptitude test today. In general, Olga says, beware of any personality assessments that try to place people in categories—personality is a spectrum, not a category! Check out this book by Merve Emre, if you want to learn more about the history of Myers-Briggs.

The most evidence-backed way of thinking about personality is the "Big Five" personality trait framework. The easiest way to remember the Big Five is by the acronym OCEAN: Openness (how receptive you are to new ideas and activities), Conscientiousness (how self-disciplined and organized you are), Extroversion (how sociable or energetic you are), Agreeableness (how warm and empathetic you are), and Neuroticism (how depressed or anxious you are).

More Maya Musings ✈️

📺 What I’m watching: “Inside Out” 1 & 2

I can’t believe it took me so long to finally watch these movies, but I had a smile plastered to my face nearly the entire time! The cognitive science nerd in me loved how the distinct emotions were represented as separate characters inside of the mind of the main character, Riley. This is a helpful framing technique in cognitive behavioral therapy: encouraging people to see their emotions as separate from themselves can help foster psychological distance. Fun fact: a dear friend, Dacher Keltner, who came on the show to talk about the science of awe, was a key advisor on this movie. Note: it is now on my bucket list to try and consult on a future Pixar film 😉

My “stream of consciousness” is also frequently filled with pizza…

✨ One good thing. I took the personality test Olga mentioned and I got both unsurprising and surprising results, which you can see below. I am indeed not very open to new experiences in the way I used to be during my teenage years or 20s. (I’m most happy when I’m at home and engaging in my daily routines and am most anxious when I’m traveling somewhere new. I know, I know — I’m a super cool person to be friends with 😛). But in better news, I used to be fairly neurotic lol, and it seems like I’ve reigned it in. I’ve been using many of the strategies shared in my conversation with Ethan Kross about mental chatter, Kristin Neff’s episode on self compassion, and our former Surgeon General’s episode on the science of loneliness.

OK, here are your two prompts for the week:

• What are the upsides of your most hated personality traits? Also if you’re interested, take the personality test here (IPIP-300) and share anything you’re surprised by!

• What’s your “one good thing” this week?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below and please make sure to subscribe so you can receive future posts. Have a wonderful week!

Maya 💫